I thought it was a safe space. I was terribly wrong

I was villianized by someone I loved for having emotions yet it was him who made a mountain out of a molehill. 

I asked if it was ok to tell him how I felt. He said it was yet as soon as he heard something he didn’t like all care, logic or understanding left the room. 

He has introduced a brand new trauma to me. I am still disturbed and full of shock and awe by how the whole thing went down. I don’t know what hurt most…

Was it the total refusal of emotional safety?

Was it the way he called me a victim for being genuinely shaken by his sharp turn in behavior? 

Was it the way love and care went out the window as soon as he got triggered? Triggered by something that wasn’t even accurate yet he refused to let go? 

Was it how hurtful and swift everything went to shit?

How he apologized then contradicted that apology an hour later?

Was it the way in times of misunderstanding, he is quick to anger then turns on me in one fail swoop? 

Where was the love? Where was the care? 

How he took my vulnerability as an attack even after I told him it wasn’t.

I thought he would be kinder to me :(

I do hope one day he can see the situation with objective clarity and feels remorse. I wonder if he will ever see the way he denied me of emotional safety and apologize for that. I hope he sees the error in his ways, claims full responsibility for his emotional mood swings and seeks help. I am the closest person to him, a woman, who on several occasions he’s made a punching bag. 

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