DiOSA

  Totally porous semi-pornographic spongebarb. Surprisingly my boyfriend wasn't into it. 

In my hands I hold two ropes It’s a tug of war against me What I want vs what I accept  In the process of pulling the tension of the two ropes snap and suddenly  my palms are bleeding  

One gorgeous thing I love about traditional notions of femininity is long beautiful hair. Hair that runs down the back like a dark river or road one that erases the trunk of the body from the back and when dancing, the best accessory is long hair to flip around and punctuate the air using your neck as leverage for your gorgeous organ. Any person with long long long hair I share a part of my internal reflection.

  hear air see wind touch tree bark  mold it out of clay  what makes clay is dirt  earth the memory of a location or a people before you  is the least selfish way you can acknowledge yourself & your place in history lineage cont.

You need a job   If you don’t have a job… Everyone’s searching for jobs Jobs are not hiring   I’m the ideas man I handle the thoughts and deconstructions   Now I’m going to have to act I want a work opportunity that generates comfortable income for my lifestyle. One that I can show up as myself receive trust and acceptance with several extended vacation breaks and a 10am start time. This work fits comfortably in my social and creative/spiritual/work schedule + gives me space to dive into my own research.  

At the gala we celebrated under seen youth. We gave the youth a chance by offering them programs to start tech jobs we desperately needed more engineers of love of compassion perhaps more of those opera singers belting the blues to the furthest seat in the balcony. When I entered the conference room men in suits wore sneakers on the bottom and I thought of Virgil as I myself wore a plaid three piece skirt suit and cheetah sneakers so I thought of myself in a way that made me neither vain or self conscious. On the lighter side of the spectrum gray skies offer themselves as an outlet for my misplaced observations, a worry I must've inherited from the women around me or those I never met or the man in my life.   I can’t stop saying it but it doesn’t make it less true.   There’s only a few ways to express love words in English. So instead I play a song say thank you, I see you, I’m so happy you’re here, where was I before you, I remember when I used to pray for these days I spend ...

Let’s sunset gaze   5pm in November this morning I had a therapy session about my anxiety   An anxiety I managed and survived by the grace of god she says why don’t you try writing stuff down but if I do this for a living I wonder how much money would I have to pay to get this job telling people the most obvious things perhaps not too obvious since my therapist suggested it to me and I felt good when I decided to write it down

     We cry by the ocean It’s the perfect day   the shortest of the whole year A new season rips the seam of the soul  scooping the dirt and grime           with a strong intentional hand

I was happy making out with a girl and my boyfriend was happy making out with me and we must have been making out with each other because it felt taboo in the way that rejects colonialism and challenges notions of property which in and of itself is an abomination to the hidden truth of abundance on earth but also like the opening of a precious dewy flower in Opening up a relationship when your boyfriend expresses his desire for physical stimulation and suddenly you start dreaming of enjoying it with him,,, is that the normalization of a defeated boundary or an awakening stripped clean? Thinking

This is a heartstring waiting to be tugged on.   

 

Cold has landed on my fingertips My heart is full of sorrows and secrets I’m checking my astrology calendar it must be poetry season   too often in my short little life I’ve questioned what my one thing was   my minutes and hours that lead to triumph in my one little thing I’m climbing now that big rock  which has felt the trepidations  of the past summer  now in the distance and  I’m listening to the acoustic guitar singing today is the greatest I cried so many times but my fear now is that poetry season is upon us & I’m open in ways men find intimidating but silently admire. 11.2.25

  Last week I auditioned for a strip club   I was at Disney land in Bushwick.   & it didn’t go well   We were doing a dance practice and the bar was disgusting   I thought the dream I had last week about the basement was about a dungeon but I think it was actually about the strip club. At the strip club We did a choreographed dance   all the the burlesque girls in unison From the side of my eye I saw a disgusting roach on a plant and screamed a little bit but kept going.   Exposure therapy   One of the girls found a cocoon on the dancefloor, not yet a butterfly. There was a clear liquid pouring out of the cocoon revealing inside a pregnant caterpillar. worms in one place other gross shit in another. In the basement   I dreamed rejection, humiliation very necessary for becoming a monarch.   Damn   times are really tough. 10.15.25